We’re changing gears this week to talk about something different. When it comes to your weekly Rx:Progress, whether you’re a regular reader, email deleter, or only ever have time for The Bottom Line, know that I appreciate you and I am grateful for your support. And whichever reading style you usually follow, I hope you will choose to make time to read this one closely. Today we’re learning about self-worth: the key ingredient to enhancing your mental and emotional well-being, and to building a happier, healthier life.

(Short on time? Click here for The Bottom Line)

Lately we’ve been focused on your physical health, discussing common chronic diseases, ways to prevent and reverse them, and learning how powerful nutrition is to enhance your quality of life. All very important topics. But when it comes to putting this knowledge into action, we need to change our behaviours. And when we go about doing that, whether breaking old habits or building new ones, we often experience friction.

That’s normal. That’s life. And that is how our brain is wired. Much of that friction comes from the fact that your behaviours are shaped by your thoughts and feelings. Behaviours and habits often become so ingrained that they get tangled with your identity. And once identity is involved, it becomes incredibly challenging to change a habit, because it feels like it is, and often becomes, part of who you are.

Your identity and self-worth are intricately connected yet totally different concepts. Both are important to understand. Reflect on these questions to learn about yourself and help make the distinction:

  • Identity: Who am I? How do I define myself? What am I defined by?
  • Self-Worth: What is my value? What am I worth?

Interestingly, your identity influences the way in which you see your self-worth, and your self-worth shapes your identity. Starting with either one will lead you to the other. It is cyclical. A bit like the chicken and the egg. And while we may not know if it’s chicken first or egg first, I propose that when it comes to identity and self-worth, self-worth must come first.

My confidence in this belief stems from the very definitions of each term, and importantly, the reality that we are all human beings. Let’s take a closer look:

  • Identity is your sense of self based on your unique characteristics, values, personality, experiences, expressions, and belonging (social, cultural, professional, etc).
  • Self-Worth is your inherent, unconditional, and internal sense of value. That you are enough, exactly as you are, and that you are worthy of love and belonging, regardless of external circumstances, factors, or labels.

I’ll share lots more later about other commonly referenced self-system concepts, from self-confidence to self-efficacy and self-doubt to self-compassion. But I do want you to know one more term now, because it is often confused with self-worth, and knowing the difference helps all of this make more sense: self-esteem.

  • Self-Esteem is the value you place on your abilities and skills. It is conditional and contingent on the external, and fluctuates heavily with that. It does influence how you see yourself and for many, how they view their self worth.

Simply, and critically, self-worth is internal and unconditional, while self-esteem (and even identity) are external and conditional. Now that this is clear, you can view the chicken and the egg-like cycle again as either starting from inside-out or outside-in. Since most people today start outside in, I would invite you to consider what starting from the inside might look like for you.

Beginning from this lens, and placing your self-worth at your core, brings clarity to your identity and other self-systems such as self-confidence and self-efficacy (more on those later). It helps you realize that fundamentally, as a human being:

You are enough.
You have inherent value.

You are worthy.
You are deserving.

Not because of your achievements or mistakes.
Not because of your successes and failures.
Not because something or someone says so.

It is a deep, internal conviction.

You are enough.
Regardless.
Already.

The way you are.

When you start with self-worth, you foster a stable, unwavering, healthy connection to your identity and stand to uncover your most confident self and sense of self. This helps you realize your value, which in turn makes it much easier to identify your values (i.e. what is meaningful to you, what you believe in, and the code you choose to live by).

You can only live and be in alignment with your core values once you are clear on them. And once you are living in alignment, you will begin to discover your meaning and purpose. And once you experience and know these deeply, then the behaviours, identity, and anything else out of alignment are much, much easier to change.

The constant unhealthy habits you feel so stuck in begin to dissolve with less resistance. The overwhelming feeling of creating healthy habits that seem impossible to keep going long term become effortless. You finally find your flow. You flourish.

If you made it to this paragraph, I am grateful for your time and I hope this read was worth it for you. If you have comments, questions, ideas for future posts related to these concepts, or anything else you’d like to share after reading this one, I’m always just an email away at hussain@doctorkhimji.com.

Lastly, you might know that I am a recovering perfectionist, and we know we cannot do everything all at once. One of the most common questions I get asked about self-worth is, “How do I discover/improve/build my self-worth?”

And although self-worth really is inherent and unconditional, there is one action that can help you more deeply resonate with it and discover a new found appreciation for it:

  • Practice Self-Compassion: treat yourself with the same love and kindness that you give to your loved ones and those you care about the most.

Do this especially when it’s hard to, such as after a mistake or failure, or when you feel intense emotions that you immediately want to avoid, such as shame or guilt. It’s not easy, but I hope it makes sense, and I hope it gives you a place to start.

As always, including when it comes to exploring self-worth, remember to chase progress, not perfection.

I believe in you,
Dr. Khimji

The Bottom Line

Self-Worth is the key ingredient to your happiest and healthiest life, and to improve your mental/emotional well-being. It is often confused with identity and self-esteem, but these two are external and conditional. Self-Worth is internal, inherent, and unconditional. It is your sense of value and postulates that you are enough, already, exactly as you are. Not because of your successes or failures, not because of what someone thinks or says, and not because of life circumstances whether positive or negative. You are worthy regardless. Beginning here, and from within yourself, brings clarity to everything else and makes it easier to change your identity, self-talk, behaviours, and ultimately improve your health and quality of life. One way you can explore your self-worth more, is to practice self-compassion, where you show yourself the same love and kindness you give to others that you care about.